12/30/09 Dr K, Chic, NMarket, By Greg, Kids!

Went to Dr K. I met Miriam's son. I remembered him from the photo's that she used to show at NMark. He gave us a review of Avatar. I think I'll see it. He says it won't gross me out.

Amy, Dr K's receptionist, is back. She's a little sad, but she's very strong. We got to talking about John's experience before his dad's death. She told me that she'd had a very similar experience when her grandma died. She just knew. We both cried.

Luke had a good appointment with Dr Mike. Then we headed for home. We stopped at Boston Chicken. While Luke went out for the chicken, I called MKate. She thinks I could come into work a little late.

I had fish for lunch. (good for the diet) Oh, yes. I hit my Chirstmas goal weight wise. I did it. I was so excited. (that isn't to say that I have achieved my ultimate goal) After the New Year , I'll set another goal. And so on until I hit the ultimate.

" That night, I chose to find new meanings in old tasks. I chose this for myself. I chose this and I loved it." Andre Aggasi. (He's talking to a t.v. host. His life wasn't good in his late 20's and his tennis game was lame. )

At NMarket, I was at the register. My old friend, Michelle came in. I'd like her to work on the movie with me. But . . . somehow, I never got back to her. We're going to get together in the new year. I invited her and her friend, Laurie to try my meditation class.

Luke went to pick up Rain and her family from the airport. I thought they were going straight to Btown, but . . . they decided to spend the night. Rain wanted to order in Chinese. MKate and I left work about 5:30 or so. Rain had the table set and the adults ate together. It was fun. We drank wine and laughed a lot.

Violet found my little bag of Chirstmas chocolate. She ate all that was left. It was not easy for her to fall asleep. Surprise.

Fun.

Em and her family came home as well.

12/28/09 Day full of moments

I started the day with a reading--live each moment and fill it out. You are where you were meant to be, to learn the lessons that you needed to learn. Learn in each moment. Don't think negative or positive; think what did I learn and how will that help me on my journey.

I got in my whole morning of activity. (my hatha went very well) After breakfast, I was on my way to salon 7000 to get my hair done. It always looks so shaggy after a mere four weeks. I like all the operators at salon 7000. Also, I have a present for my hair dresser and friend, Eunice. I know that she'll like it. It's a gift I like to get as well--a restaurant gift certificate. And a container of miniature candy bars for everyone. Also I had some mystery books for Gary's older client, Florence. What I didn't realize until she told me today--she's 92. I just love her. She's beautiful, elegant, happy and grateful. What a combination. She brought a book for me to read as well, "Remember Me," by her fav author Mary Higgins Clark.

Then I got a huge surprise. Eunice gave me a big Christmas gift. I didn't know what to say. it was a gift bag filled with things I use and love. I was so very touched.

Oh yes. Before I left the house, the kitties came to see me. They had played with Luke, and then they came to see me. Little Greyling was up in the tree next door. And my boy, Pumpkin, wanted me to pick him up. I just love those kitties. But I know that I need, for their own safety, to find them a family.

On the way home, I listened to a tape that Rain gave me of Bob Dylan. Something about his music moves me and I started serious work on the song for Bapuji.

12/27/09 Carl feeds tree, We meet Mike, Letters done

I called Mike Flint, on MKate's recommendation. Mike has a lot of experience, and he does everything. He'll be able to help with our house. He said he'd come today--at 1.

About 12:45 I heard the doorbell ring. It was Carl--the Buddist that does our trees. He wanted to know if we still wanted him to feed my special tree. I said yes. Luke agreed. Carl came in for a visit. He had ginger/honey tea and I had coffee. We talked about sadhana. It's always uplifting to talk with Carl. Carl is at home in nature, in a way that I'm not. He loves to camp out in the freezing cold. Sleeping on the ground. He described a night when I was happy to go from car to warm house. He spend the night in a tent, sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag. He got up at 12 midnight to meditate and went deeply inside that amazing world.

While he was here, Mike came with his assistant. Mike told us the history of his experience. We were happy to hear about it. He does like to talk a lot. Mike is going to redo our kitchen, and help with the dim lights in my bathroom. I really like Dave, but he's away so much. My lights are so dim, and Dave is far away. I hope that this collaboration will transform our space.

I got two things done today that were on my mind. I found my voice and answered Betty's e-mail to me about our leaving St Luke's. I took the high road and didn't get specific. I also got a chance to contemplate our years at St Luke's, and to thank Betty for being such an amazing part of it all.

On a lesser note, I finished my two page letter to Ricky. He owes me $1,000. He took the money under false pretenses and he knows it. However he doesn't want to repay me. I know he's struggling financially but he should at least offer and to work out a payment plan. I told him that I'd sue. I won't. If he wants to be a thief, that's his problem. We'll see.

And by the time all that was done, it was time to make dinner.

12/27/09 New Church, Coffee & Nici, NM

I woke up tired. I wanted to shower and do a few exercises before getting dressed, having breakfast, and packing for my day at NMarket. Soon we were on our way to the church we attended on Chirstmas eve. People at Northwood Christian are very friendly. Real and genuine. I liked the service but not as much as the Christmas service. Luke loved it. He cried. I did like the message--that God is in each momentmof our lives and to know God you have to find Him in each moment--which He has given to you as a gift. I'm going to practice.

We got a mug, the first in our journey. I put the cup on our cupboard in the dining room.

Nicole went with us. Afterwards, she took us out for coffee. We wanted to take her, but she's so much like Em. She wouldn't hear of it. I call her my 4th daughter. She paid.

She brought us a warm house for the kitties--Pumpkin and Greyling. The house was created by a group that cares for homeless kitties. It will keep them warm. I hope that Pumpkin and Greyling try the house and like it. We made plans to have them neutered. Later I thought about it. What if they have homes. They are beautiful kitties, very beautiful. I hope that they truely have no home. What if they belong to someone who wants to breed the cats. I'm freaking out.

Luke dropped me off at NMarket. The weather has turned cold and the snow is falling. The roads are icy for the first time this year. I am worried about the bottom line. We really work.

In the middle of the day, a woman came in. She was dressed and looked like she had money. She didn't want any help but I saw her carrying a lot of product and was worried that she'd drop something. I asked her if she would take a basket; she refused in a mean way. So I just sighed and looked away. Something was off with this woman. Then crash, a bottle hit the floor. She looked up in a guilty way. I had just asked her to take a basket. She offered to pay for the bottle. I told her the price; it was only $14.99. Then I assured her that Matt would take care of cleaning the floor. She said again that she'd pay for the product. I didn't say--"Oh, don't." She must have been waiting for that. Suddenly, she dropped what she had in her arms on my chair (she could have dropped other products) and ran out. She wasn't going to pay for that little bottle .

For some reason, I felt bad about the loss of her sale. Matt and I take our bottom line seriously. Luckily lots of fun and good customers did come in.

Toward the end of the day, a couple came in. The woman had a problem that I've had--small white spots that appear on the hands and body. I healed mine with green food and Megasorb B complex. She was thinking the same for herself. Her husband was reading about the same nutrients. So she bought chlorophyl,

She likes to do everything naturally. At first I liked her and her husband. Then I didn't. She told me that she let her house cat go wild because animals shouldn't be caged in people's houses. I didn't like her after that. I thought about it because of Pumpkin and Greyling, (could she be right) but I ended by thinking that it didn't work for me. She started to remind me of --well, someone I don't respect.

In the end, our bottom line surprised and pleased Matt and I. We did it despite awful weather and the big game and lots of people out of town for the holidays. We love to get it done.

12/26/09 Bookstore, Movie Night

I woke up late, and still had to wash my hair. But it's Sat, so that's o.k.

The flow. We needed to return Xavier's game (he already had one) to Barnes and Nobles. We only go to B&N in B town. Infact, we got the gift in B town and I wasn't sure where I had stowed the reciept. O.K. it's true. I'm not organized paper wise. I found the receipt right away. Right away. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Also, our trip to B&N was filled with great surprises. We found a great and knowledgeable salesperson in the kids department. And she was friendly and fun to talk to. We'd go back to learn more from her. And--we were concerned that we hadn't wrapped and given away two new books that Xavier already had for Christmas. There was still time to do it at B &N . We got them in on the last possible day. I was so happy to be in the flow again.

We played in the bookstore for a long time. Then we came home for a rest.

MKate joined me to make dinner. Then MKate, Luke and I headed for the movies. We saw "The Blindside." I gave it a 10. I love that it's true. I love that one compassionate woman saw a large heavy teenager walking in the rain and cold and she brought him home. She helped him to realize his potential--which was huge. The acting was amazing. Sandra Bullock plays the lead.

12/25/09 Surprises!, MKate's Fab Party

Spoke to the kids this morning. Rain and family having a fun time at the Purik's. I spoke to John. He shared with me about his dad's death. He said that he was upset after visiting another sick relative. He went to the beach and sat on the rocks listening to the ocean. Suddenly he knew that a big change was coming. His amazing father died during the night. Very unexpected.

I went downstairs to make coffee. That's the first thing I do when I get downstairs. I opened the cupboard and there--right in front of the tins of coffee-- a game card (which I love) for my pet society. I was so excited. Luke knows how I love these game cards. Then after breakfast, I opened my computer and OMG there was another game card. I was so excited. Luke knows me so well.

Em and Bobby getting ready to take off for Beverly Hills. Chasing movie stars is what Bobby likes best (along with cooking.) Sadly Em tells me there was stress with one of the kids. I hope the trip works out.

After breakfast, Luke and I head for MKate's for her annual Chirstmas party. The house looks beautiful. I love her ceramic tree. I watch her preparing fish. (she's an amazing cook) (I'm lucky that I know so many amazing cooks) I learned how to prepare the filet and coat it with spices and a bit of flour --not too much. Everything else was already prepared. Enice and John came and Kay was there. Kris and Dana came after awhile. Much later Jennifer and Kevin came with Max and Abby.

I had some very good white wine. MKate loves to entertain. Lots of food and wine. Deserts that fill up the counter. A lot of food. I take my diet pills (healthy) and am prepared. I was careful. I had the fish (good), a delicious green bean dish (I only took a little), veggies, and home made cranberry sauce. So good. Also, I had a small amount of desert. MKates little chocolate cakes with chocolate goo inside--yummm. I also like the apple tart with layers.

The conversation was fun. We all laughed a lot. When the little kids came, I loved watching them open their presents. Max and Abby are great kids.

I bought a painting. MKate's son Kris is an artist. He painted an oriental themed painting of a bird. I've always wanted to buy this painting. Tonight--I BOUGHT IT! Yay.

When everyone left, MKate and Jeff, Luke and I had some time to visit. Jeff brought out a fab music video--5 fabulous musicians got together (among them Tom Petty and George (one of the Beetles) and they just started jammin. They wrote songs and sang. It was like being at a private concert. The DVD also had footage of the work they did together. We all loved the experience. It felt intimate. Like we were sitting around with these great musicians.

A great Christmas day with friends.

12/24/09 Shopping, Cats, NEW CHURCH

Somehow I hurt my butt and couldn't even bend over to do my stretching exercises. I managed a few and then gave up. I talked to Janice this morning. She wasn't up for going out tonight. It was a very special night for her and her late husband. She decided to get her nails done and go to a movie. We talked for a while. I wanted her to feel cared about. She's a good person and has been through a lot.

Luke wanted to get me a Christmas gift. We went to Pennys. No. It wasn't too crowded. I got a suede purse that was orignially $85.00--at more than 1/2 price. It's pretty and has room for all my things. Like all my purses it doesn't stay on my shoulder. I'm going to JoAnn fabric to see if they have any advise. I also got a pretty, delicate watch with a pink and blue face--fun but elegant at the same time. $19.99. Not bad.

I ate a light lunch. David M came over to give us our Chirstmas gift. His amazing home made cookies. The orange kitten showed up. He wanted to come in. I thought, let him in for Chirstmas. Luke said no. What's the point when he can't live with us. I hoped that David would want him. His cat just died. But no. He already has 3 cats and doesn't want anymore. He loves cats and would make such a good home for my kitties. Oh well. Moving on.

Luke and I pretended that we were teens again, living together in NYC and having our first Chirstmas. We ate at our old fav restaurant, India Gardens. The food was yum and I found a way to stay on my diet while eating Indian. Yay. We were alone in the restaurant. So we got all the attention. It was fun.

Then we went looking for the new Church. It's small (compared to St L's) At first we thought it was empty and we saw another Church around the corner. We could have gone there. It doesn't matter right now. We pulled into the parking lot. The Church was on the dark side for atmosphere but people were going in. We went in as well.

No one was dressed up. We liked that. The sevice was peaceful, reverant and spiritual. Luke liked it very much. He thought highly of Pastor Ted. A friend recommended this Church as one we might like. (Remember. We are NOT committing to any church for at least a year.) Pastor Ted doesn't have notes. He comes right from the heart. The lights were low. The music was designed to highten peace and reverence for this very, very special holiday. A time to remember and to experience the birth of the Christ. A time to light up inside and out. To share that light with the world. Communion was lovely. We came up and recieved the bread and wine. Pastor blessed each one. The end of the service was a candle light ceremony. I left feeling uplifted and so did Luke.

12/23/09 Kids leave for Conn, Dr K, NMarket

Luke got up extra early to make breakfast for the kids, to give them a good start for their trip. Then they were off to the airport. I can't get up that early but it was sweet to see thier left over breakfast.

Luke got home as I was about to put on my make up and head for the chiropractor. We had three little gifts for Dr K, Dr M and Amy. I was sorry that I didn't add a card with my gratitude feelings on it, but I wasn't as organized as I might have been this season. One for the impskies (or more). I have to say that the HiNi tired me in body and somewhat in spirit.

Luke drove with me even though he didn't have an appointment himself. We were a little late. The orange kitten got into the garage and then into the house. He's such a pumpkin. I wish I could keep him in the house. But with the allergies in our family, we can't. Luke caught him in the house and had to take him out. I got a treat ready for him--salmon and eggs--so he wouldn't feel bad about not moving into the house. Luke and I are worried that one of the kitties will get hit by our car (Please God No) or the by the garage door. We'll have to be so careful and pray.

So . . . we got to Dr K's office late. When my turn came, I gave him his little gift (sans card), and I asked him to give a gift to Amy. Amy just lost her baby. Heartbreaking. So hard and awful. And people keep pestering her about her private pain--and judging her. I felt sad for Amy. I know how she feels. Dr K and I talked about it. He also knows how she feels from his own personal experience. We were both sad. We shared where we thought our "little soul" was. Private for both of us. Well, I can tell you that I believe that my son, Michael, is an angel and watches over me, Luke and his sisters.

I was quiet in the car. Thoughtful.

I had lunch. Then went to Nature's Market. It was an interesting day. One of my old customers came in and trusted me. She spend lots of $$$$. But I'm worried about her digestive problems. I think she should see her M.D.

Linda came to work and I was able to discuss the problems with the kittens. I am hearning all kinds of ideas. Nicole came in to give me a darling Christmas gift. Her home made ginger cookies are delicious. Amazing. Because I wasn't as organized as I hoped, I couldn't find her gift--a message with Chuck. I hope he'll do what he did last year--give the message to Nicole and let me tear up the gift certificate when I find it.

garage door. We'll have to be careful, careful and pray.

12/22/09 Getting Ready for Early Christmas

Luke and I spent the day getting ready for our little Christmas party. We got up early and started getting ready. There was a lot to do. Into the mix was the fact that The Bionic Cat (Steven) had to come to reconnect our printer and repair the damage done by the AT@T guy. It took him two hours. While he was working, Rain and Ry came in from Btown with the littles. They both wanted to play with me right now. Xavier wanted to play a fun Pokemon game and Violet wanted me to read to her--basically talk to her and pay attention. Luke couldn't help because he was upstairs with the Cat. Rain and Ry were in the kitchen resting. They had the long haul from BTown and tomorrow will be the long haul from Indy to Conn. So I played with both kids at the same time.

Finally The Cat repaired most of the damage. Most. OOOh that AT&T.

Then we wrapped presents, organized things. Luke was the best. We were having a mix of chinese (fattening but delicious). and Boston Chicken. Em and Bobby couldn't join us. They had to work in prep for their own trip.

Both kittens showed up. They were hungry. And I had that great can of wet food that cats LOVE. I put it out on two plates. The kittens ate together. They wanted to come in. I couldn't let them because of the kids and . . . Luke. They loved their treat. But they kept looking in . They wanted to join the family. It was sad. I have to try and find them a real family.

Xavier and I had a great moment. He was playing with a lighted stick of incense. Rain was kind of gruff with him about putting it back. But I went over and showed him how to do puja. He really understands and that makes me so happy. We have this loving bond. I can't explain. I usually see Violet late Thur night when she is tired. Today, she was happy and rested. She came up and pointed at me and told me that she loves me. It was sweet.

We ate very early. MKate joined us

"Song writing is easy. It's like breathing." Bono

After dinner we opened presents. She really liked her present and I really liked the one she got for me. I cried. She gave me red glass dishes. This is from the sentimental past of Luke and my childhood. We were just married and living in NYC. It was almost Chirstmas and we were walking through the city streets looking into the grand stores. We stopped at a display with a table set with red glass dishes. I loved it. I said-- "Someday, I'll have these dishes." And now I do.

12/21/09 Conversation Ride, Shopping

I didn't sleep well last night. I felt . . . it's hard to discribe--that I was in a meditative state but very aware of my life. I was going over life and changes and where I want to go next. Finally I feel asleep.

I woke up tired. But I didn't want to let the impskies win. I got up and took my shower and then I was awake. There were lots of birds at the feeders. It's cold and snowy. So the birds are hungry. We didn't see greyling. I just don't know. Does she have her own family? I go back and forth.

Today is a special day for Luke and me. We go on our conversation ride. I think that love is youth. Feelings of love wake up the cells in the body and help to keep them younger and healthier. Love is a tonic. Only love is such a huge word. Anyway, with a husband and wife they have to use all that's best in them to understand and to work together with the partner in life that God has given them.

We have some huge changes coming up. Luke's sabatical. For the first time since I've known him over 50 years ago, Luke will not be ultra busy every moment. He has to find a way to create meaning for himself. I'm his partner in life and I need to support him. We talk about the upcoming time. We also talk about our change of Churches. We've been with St Luke's for a long time and now we're moving on--and we don't know where. It feels freeing but also scary for both of us.

After our conversation, we go to the mall to pick up Luke's Christmas gift. He's getting a MAC friendly voice recorder to keep a record of his thoughts on "The Book." Luke is writing his first book on music. It's going to be a huge help to his students and I suspect music students in the future that he doesn't even know. At first the crew at The Mac Store didn't think they had anything for us. I called The Cat and he made some suggestions. While he was talking to the woman who was helping us, she got a look. She said that The Cat had a car accident and had to hang up. I thought he was o.k. I just did. So we went across the way and picked up some small gifts from a specialty store. Then I saw it. The perfect gift for MKate. I think of her as my twin sister and I wanted to get her something very cool this year. Luke and I went into the store and bingo . . . she's going to LOVE it. And she has no idea.

After a while, The Cat called us to say that it wasn't even a fender bender. Everyone was fine, including the cars.

Our next stop was Steinmart. I was excited to see their selection of Hello Kitty watches. Kimora Lee Simmons designed a luxe line of Hello Kitty jewelry. Her jewelry started at $4 or 5, 000. These watches were on sale for $24. 99. And yes, I was disappointed. Very. The watch I liked had a bad watch band and the other (only two choices) was too clunky.

I was tired but we went to Verizon. I thought I might get a Droid. As soon as we went into the store, we saw George. George is a friend that we have come to trust. He said that the Droid wasn't for me. So . . . why change. I still like my old phone. I just don't want to buy something I don't need because Luke wants me to have a Christmas present.

We went home. Luke felt sad and then I remembered. I need a new purse. So we're going to Penny's and see what they have on sale. And maybe we'll even look somewhere cool. I'd like to have a cool purse.

12/30/09 Breakfast, NMarket, Em and Bobby

I woke up with a concern about my cold and some of the same symptoms I had before the H1N1 . I took as many healing nutrients as possible. Luke and I went out to breakfast which we usually don't do alone. We'll usually only have breakfast out with someone else. We've been talking about our young couple times and we went to La Peep just as a couple. It was great. The food is always good and also can be good for my diet. When I order right.

We had fun. We talked and people watched. A man came over to us. He complimented Luke--not just on his musical gifts to St Luke's but on his acting with my musical, " Ice Cream Dreams."

He said that he wished he could see the play again or that I'd do more writing. I felt . . well . . . very happy to hear it. Then, he said that he teaches a class for people in thier late 40's and early 50's who want to change careers. He thought I'd benefit. I smiled. I am changing directions in my life.

Luke drove me to work. Yay. Then, he picks me up which means that he helps me get my groceries into the car. When you have a handicap, the people who are willing to help you are very, very important. I love going to work on Sunday because Matt is there. He has become one of my very best friends. He gave me a Chirstmas card that said those sweet things. Matt and I love a lot of the same things--like the magical world of games like "The Sims, " and "Pet Society." We work together very well, and our conversations are always fun and interesting.

After work, Luke and I went for dinner at Em and Bobby's. Bobby made his chili--yummmy.

Emily and Brian were there with their kids and Emily's mom. Emily's mom is as warm and welcoming as she is. Very friendly.

After dinner. Bobby and Em sat around the great room and told stories and laughed.

12/19/09 Ctomputers up. Shop w MKate . Movie Night

The past few days have been bad computer days. AT&T could not fix the problem over the phone.

Although we knew that we needed to resolve our computer problems, we took off for B town and the littles on Thur. We hadn't been there for two weeks. We had a great drive and a lot of fun with the kids --big and little.

Cut to today. The service guy was coming from AT&T--anywhere from 8 to 12. Next door they had the Comcast truck all morning. He finally came by about 12 and after a few hours the computers were up and running. But he couldn't get the printer to speak to the computers--and I have a big project coming up. Hummm.

MKate came to shop with me. Just to hang out together and have fun. Tonight MK and Jeff will celebrate 35 years of married life--and still in love. They're going to a fancy dinner at Oakley's. Tres delicious. I was looking for two things at Best Buys: a GPS and a recorder for Luke so he can begin his writing project. The GPS we wanted was out. MKate had them check to see if there was a GPS (the kind we wanted) at the Best Buys near her house. They did and she was willing --on her anniversary-- to pick it up for me. So sweet. And quess what, it was on sale. MKate found that out on line and they gave it to her. (me) It pays to have a smart best friend.

I also found out that I have to get Luke's recorder at a Mac store. The recorder has to talk to the Mac or he can't rewrite.

We ate dinner at home. Yummy, pork chops. Luke told me that it was perfectly prepared. It was Movie Night--yay! We went to Keystone to see Orson Wells and Me. I went to get coffee and Luke went to get seats. I had this sweet experience getting coffee. The new rule is that you have to pay at the central register and then walk over to the coffee area. The young man behind the counter said that he'd help me right there at the coffee area. I gave me $1.00 tip as a Chirstmas surprise. It wasn't much, but it made him feel good inside. He smiled and then we had a little conversation about movies. A lot of sweetness.

The movie was excellent.

12/16/09 DrK, NMarket, Luke has a big surprise for me.

I got up early. A bare morning. Shower. Fast breakfast. On to Dr K's. Luke and I went together. He had to go straight to a meeting, so we left the house at 10. For me that means no Hatha Yoga.

People. The impskies are having their way with my eating program. The scale is not my friend anymore. Hopefully, I can do better today. l'm pulling out all my tricks. We'll see. Those impskies are so persuasive. They think that I deserve to eat sweets and carbs. With an emphasis on sweets. They say--"The kids are going to be gone for Chirstmas. You don't have a Church. Luke's back was out. There are no Christmasy things upstairs. Yukkk. "

But today, the Angelites are making themselves known. They say, "Don't waste your efforts. Be careful today. Eat a small breakfast. Coffee, toast, and a slice of low fat chesse. " So I did it. Then I brought a bottle of fizzy water (no calories) into the car along with my left over coffee.

Dr K sees the differences in my hip area. I am healing. And I'm doing it at my present weight. What would I be able to do if I could lose weight. He really worked on me today. When I do my work, he can do his. I'm working in my head and with my Hatha.

At home, I have an egg and some tuna for lunch with one slice of high fiber bread. And the rest of my fizzy water. Good job, Ashley. The Angelites are proud.

Nature's Market. I meet the new employee. Jessica is taking Gregs place--sort of. She seems very friendly and sweet. We talk about art. Jessica used to make pottery, but the tools of her trade were too expensive. So now, she's working at Nature's Market. I hope it brings her good fortune.

One of the customers was getting set for a trip to India. She told me that I looked psyhic to her. I know what she means. I am getting clearer.

I went home, and felt a little sad. I was thinking that the house would be dark and non Christmasy. I walked in the door and . . . wow. Luke had Chirstmas upstairs. He pulled the tree into it's rightful place near the patio door. And happiness was mine. I spent 1/2 hour putting ornaments on the tree. Each one had a memory. One was made by Rain when she was in pre school. Violets age. OMG. One was from John who used to work at NM and died young I loved John.

Pastor M left a message on our machine. He wants to talk with us, but what is there to say?

I still haven't written to Betty. Again, I don't know what to say or how to say it.

12/15/09 New Shampoo, Dentist, Hatha Yoga

Em gave me shampoo and conditioner in tester size. It's the brand that she uses and her hair always looks great. I tried it this morning, then put my hair up--so I won't know until tonight how it looks. I have fly away hair and I hope this helps.

I went to the dentist so that he could see how the work he did on my front teeth held up. He says that it's good for now, and we'll talk about a more permanent procedure after the holidays. I'm hoping a good year or so after these holidays. I'm going to take more Co Q 10 and see if that helps--it has in the past.

MKate is soooo nice. She talked to me on the way to the dentist and wanted to hear how I did afterwards as well.

After the dentist, I went to Staples for some C.D. mailers and last minute gifts. I'm hoping to send out three CD's of Liz and my praise music--this Friday before I go to work. I'd really like to do it before we go to B town on thursday but . . . we aren't the speediest couple around. We usually leave the house just in time to get where we are going.

I've been thinking about what Baba used to say--all the time. You can meditate in your room and be as peaceful as a kitten in the sun but if you can't bring peace into your daily life--what's the point. So I am trying to bring the peace into washing my hair, going to Staples, teaching my classes, making dinner.

Interesting: Luke called me. He has been annoyed because I'm feeding the outdoor cat, Greyling. He wanted to tell me that when he was packing his car with recycling--Greyling came into the garage to look and smell around. He got Rocky's silver bowl and fed her on the porch. He thinks she's beautiful like I do. He noticed that her fur is grey with soft orange marking. MKate thinks that I should get her fixed right away. But I'm still not sure she's a stray. What if she belonged to a neighbor and I tampered with someone else's cat. I don't know what to do.

I think that Greyling would be ours if our grandkids were not so very allergic.

I taught my last Hatha class in the old year. It was deeply peaceful. A good way to begin the "maddness " leading up to Chirstmas.

12/14/09 Meditation Class, Con Ride, Lisa's Party

This was the last meditation class until the new year. I slipped into meditation myself and the class flew by. I was so relaxed after class. I didn't have long to talk to MKate, because Luke and I were taking our conversation ride.

We talked about his sabatical. This will be the first time in 50 years that he hasn't been sheduled to the eye teeth. I'm a little worried. He says that he's looking forward to it. I hope so.

Then we got ready for Lisa's 50th b-day party. Sometimes musicians partys are BORING. All the talk is about music. "Hey, guys what about that note I played the other day." And I'm not kidding.

We got there and had to walk a little because it was a surprise party. and we couldn't park in front of the house. I hate surprises. So I'm glad it's not me. The weather was yummy warm. I loved walking in it. It was a desert party, all chocolate, because Lisa is a big chocolate person.

Lisa was so surprised. And happy. There was chocolate everywhere. Nancy was there. Terry and Pam, David and Bud, and so on. There were only a few people that I didn't know. Best desert--Nancy Agres: a sooo amazing raspberry and chocolate tart. Sooooo yummmy. I brought a diet soda and only ate little bits of the candy and other cakes that were there.

I had a few good conversations. Nancy is a very good writer. Her last story featured a cat so we talked about the story and the cat behind the story. We left at the time we agreed on and most people left at that time also--so it worked.

12/13/09 La Peep and kids, NMarket

I didn't exercise this morning. The littles were here and I wanted to be present with them. Little Violet calls me gramma in that sweet way she has. Xavier and I are into the computer games. He plays my games while I shower and get dressed. He has discovered many secrets of games that we both play. His thinks out-of-the-box.

Rain is always trying to get Violet to let her put bows in her hair. Violet isn't beyond taking a bribe--chocolate kisses--but will take the bow out shortly. It's funny. Rain never gives up trying.

Violet is a blond with softly falling curls. She looks beautiful with her hair falling naturally around her darling little face.

We go out to La Peep. La Peep has good food and they are child friendly. The kids eat well and they enjoy the experience. We usually sit at the same big round table. Enough room.

Luke and I left early so that we could get to work. Luke dropped me off. Then he went home to get ready for another performance of the Messiah. We were steady. I had a several fun customers who wanted to spend money to improve their health. It's fun knowing that you have helped someone to make a difference.

Then I came home and we ate last nights left overs.

12/11/09 Good Hatha, Call with Becky, Cat

I got up with plenty of time to exercise and get all my morning done. There are no birds outside the window and no squirrels, not a cat to be seen. What is this? I wonder. We don't have all the feeders full but two of them are. Hummm.

I see the photo of Becky with Kevin's new cat. The cat is beautiful and huge. Becky says that she thinks he is part wild cat. And he's loving and tame. What a pretty animal. I asked for an enlargement of the picture as my Chirstmas gift.

I love cats. can you tell. I didn't do any chores. It was fun to talk to Becky--especially the part about Kevin's new cat. Then, I had to get to work.

I did the banking for N.M. When I got back to the store, there was a lot of good energy. A lot of Shakti. I work on the enzymatic order. I help a few customers. One is looking for the same things that I take for sinus, another wants to buy Ann Borlind--top of the line--skin care. I'm impressed. Very. She's 60 something, just lost a ton of weight and her skin looks better than it did before. She is a rich woman. but she's not wanting to spend the $$$$. I find it hard to believe. Finally she does buy the goods.

I meet a woman whos mom goes to St L's -our old church. I tell her that we;re looking for another church. She's sad and she knows that her mom will be sad. Truthfully they won't miss me. They'll miss Luke's music.

Greg helps me bring my things to the car. It's nice of him. I don't see him wearing a coat. I hope it's because he's young and doesn't need a coat.

12/8/09 Weather, Dr K, Chores--The Call--I call

It's been a long, long day. I'm tired and hope to be in bed early (for me.)

The weather was cold and windy. BUT we didn't have the storm that was predicted. Yay. Our guardian angel was looking after us. But still, it was the first true winter day. I drove to Dr K's in wind that rocked the car.

He found that my back was stiff. The adjustment hurt, usually it doesn't. Still I felt better when it was over.

I spoke to Judy. (She's the friend that introduced me to Bapuji) She said that the couple who always brought our gifts to India --right to Bapuji's home--was not allowed to come this year. Most people have been denied. I got concerned. Judy referenced Baba's poor health. He's coughing. I'm concerned and will pray.

On the way home from Dr K, I laid out the chores that I wanted to get done. I got gas. It was so cold. I wished that I had worn a hat. Then I picked up the chicken--Boston Chicken. (I remembered to bring the coupon) Then I called Kay and found that if I did the banking I wouldn't be needed at work. So I stopped at the shoe store. I ordered my Think shoes. While I was there, I picked up a great pair of boots that will cover my shoes and then flatten out and fit easily into a tote--when I'm out for the evening. I've been looking for something this easy and it's not too ugly. Certain angles are actually cute.

I ordered a pair of cute dressy shoes. Hopefully they will fit.

I went home for a light lunch and then went to pick up the bank from NM. After bank, I went to AAA where they were having a sale on Visa gift cards. I saved $9.00 (if I got them at the credit union, and $15 anywhere else) They come with caveats but so what. These folks will spend their $$$ right away. Now all I have to do is register the cards which I can do with one call tomorrow.

I had to be very, very careful not to fall. Very careful. Coming out of the shoe store my cane slipped twice. Not good.

So when I went to pick up Luke's prescription from CVS, I parked at the curb. I walked slowly and carefully. I got the prescription and some Chirstmas wrapping things, cards and etc.

I got home and crashed. So tired.

I knew in my heart that I had to call Nayna--today. I had to work up the courage. I knew I wouldn't ask to go to India. I'm just getting over HiNi and Bapuji would never allow it. So I was calling to find out if someone could bring our community Christmas gift to Bapuji. When we get together to make Bapuji's gift, I feel connected to Him. I picture him looking at my part of the gift and then thinking of me. You know how it is.

Nayna told me that the people who were allowed to go to India have already gone, and that Bapuji wouldn't want us to send things in the mail. I started to cry. Nayna felt bad and I had to keep telling her . . . that I just miss Bapuji and what I didn't say was I afraid that I won't see him again. Then, Nayna said what I couldn't believe . . . She said . . . You can give Bapuji your gift when he comes next year and I stopped crying. She also said that tomorrow when she talks to Bapuji she'll give Him my love. AND she said that I could e-mail to Him.

When Luke came in, I was very tired. And I was glad that I didn't have to cook--Thanks Boston Chicken.

12/7/09 Lunch in Zville, Hatha Class --Peace

Janice is an old friend from the long ago and far away. She used to study yoga with me at the Jewish Center. Then her young husband mysteriously died and she kind of dropped out of life, which I so understand. She moved to Arizona a year ago and now she's back.

I think she's coming back to life. She's come back to yoga class and she just looks happy again.

This morning we went for Brunch. She told me about a place in Zville that she'd heard about but hadn't tried yet. She picked me up in cute little red Cooper. A very smooth drive.

The restaurant was opened by the artist Nancy Noel. Inside it looks like a museum with beautiful paintings of angels, kids and animals. It's an old church with great stained glass windows and a sense of peace. A hush.

The other quests were mostly very old , cute little ladies with grey hair. Janice and I both ordered the chicken salad sandwich on a flaky bun. It was delicious. The coffee was good as well. We had fun talking about miracles and she wants to be part of the project. She's experienced a number of miracles herself. I need to get in touch with W David and see if he can film her before she goes back to Arizona for the winter.

We didn't get desert. AND I looked at the great chocolate treats that they were selling and didn't buy any. I am so proud of me. I listened to the angelites and not the impskies.

There was a heavy rain. Very beautiful and peaceful. MKate came to pick me up for class. The subject for contemplation was contentment. The energy flowed and every felt peaceful and happy afterwards.

We talked about this years present for Prem. Matt had a great idea--a decorated T shirt. You know how it is when the shakti flies--creativity flows.

12/7/09 Meditation Class, Costco, Commercials.

Rain woke me up this a.m. to tell me that she and her family are going to Conn to spend Chirstmas with Ry's parents. She and Violet were planning to stay with me while Ry and Xavier went to Conn. Sadly with the death of Whitey (Ry's grandpa) and other terrible troubles that the Ry's parents are suffering through --the kids are going to support them. I have to applaud them because they had to spend their Christmas $$$ to do this good deed.

Rain wants Luke and I to come with. Ry's parents really do up Chirstmas and she know that I'd enjoy that but $$$$$. Luke and I have so many things that need doing in the house. I don't know. Also, it's the HiNi thing. I'm still not at my top strength and MKate is worried that a plane ride would not do me any good. I don't know. (even though I do)

Meditation class was peaceful. Deeply peaceful. I let myself swim in the ocean of peace. Baba used to say that we have to distance ourselves from outward events. Sometimes it's harder than others but we have to try every day. What happens in the world is transient. What happens inside is eternal. I try to work on that every day.

After class, I went home and got ready for the dentist. The office had no heat. Evidently, the landlord doesn't care. The process wasn't too bad --if you don't mind having your jaw held open by a contraption. It's a good thing that Dr. H is fun and that his assistant is a perfect foil for him.

I went home to rest up. When MKate was finished working, we went to Costco for Christmas shopping. I had to get sweet items for Luke's secretaries. It was fun to see all the stuff. I'm almost finished shopping.

I'm thinking about peace and how you have to trust God. You have to put your hand in his. That's how my mom lived.

12/6/09 NMarket Matt and I rock, Movie night

I knew that Matt and I had a challenge on our hands with Christmas shopping going on and few customers in the store. We got busy. Also met a lot of nice people. People who will be back. We were worried about the bottom line. Matt went to the back of the store with Jeff. We hit a home run.

Bobby didn't sleep last night from worry and upset. We didn't eat dinner together. So . . . even though we couldn't go to the movies last night . . . . we got to go tonight. Matt told me that we should see "The Fantastic Mr Fox." He said --"It's been out for several weeks and it may not be in theatres next week." He also told me that I would be inspired by it . . . So even though it was cold and even though I was tired . . Luke and I went to the movies. It was a great movie. The characters were so much themselves--animals with a fantastical human side. We all make big mistakes and so does Mr Fox ---but he goes beyond and succeeds.

Go see it.

12/5/09 Lunch w Em--glam and Christ shopping

Em invited me to lunch today. I got to choose. Well, in our family we always try to get the other person or persons to pick the restaurant. Finally Em gave me a choice of three and I selected Cafe Patachou--not the one at Keystone that's not my fav but the extra cool one in Carmel that's new and has a brillant chef.

It has an elegant look to it and the food is delicious. The little shopping village where it's nestled is decorated for Chirstms and I could feel the happy holiday feelings begin to rise up. Memories of Luke and I walking the streets of NY on Chirstmas's past. Truding through the snow and peeking into the "fancy " stores. For some reason, I remember a display with red glassware and I promised myself when I had the money that I'd get some red glassware.

We have a fun but kind of deep conversation. The most serious for a long, long time. Personal-- adult to adult. Then, we went shopping at Target. I like shopping at Target. We were shopping for the kids--Xavier and Violet , Noah and Simon, and I's kids. They don't have anything--so Rain got them sneakers and pj's and Em and I got them winter coats, hat and mittens. I want to mail these out right away and then add boots later. I wish I could get them real shoes but it's hard. Kids feet have to be fitted. I pray that these gifts will be well received. Some of my friends are going to collect clothes that the kids might be able to use either now or when they get bigger. That's what Gramma's do.

Sooooo fun. Em and I got tired at the same time. You know . . . that's a big huge step for me.

Luke played his last concert with the orchestra at St L's. We are leaving the Church. I mentioned that MKate left some time ago. It just wasn't working for us. For a lot of reasons. We are looking forward to looking around and as Em pointed out we don't have to do it on a shedule. Maybe we're the kind of people who like to experience a lot of different worship styles. And that would be all right too. I pledge to stop talking about the journey with people who have an agenda for us. Enough said.

MKate and I fixed dinner. Shrimp with Blue Hake with onions and garlic in tomato sauce. I wanted to use coconut milk but had run out. It's so fun to cook with MKate. The sides were simple--green beans, corn and rice. Simple but very good. I like to flavor my veggies with cocout oil and une plume. Yummy.

I sooo admire the Iron Chefs. I soo wish I could cook like they do.

We watched the movie that we tried to watch last week--" Away We Go" Hummm. I liked the music because it reminded me of the music Luke and I listened to as kids. MKate didn't like the moive at all and went home. I'm not sure how to discribe my experience. I thought the basic tech was off. You couldn't hear all the dialogue. And the comic situations were so broad and exadurated that . . . it was hard to watch. One scene really hit it . . . . when the couple talks about love and gives their pledge to be faithful. That was sweet and touching. I'll remember that scene when I've forgotten better movies.

12/3/09 Dentist, Soup, Candles, Talking ????

Went to Dr Hanson. Last time it hurt to have my teeth cleaned. So I spoke up and asked Dr H to numb my mouth. He rubs this pink stuff on my gums which tastes like bubble gum. I guess they make it for kids. That's me. It feels great to honor myself.

Before he started working on me, Dr H, his fun dental tech and I just talked and laughed. Time went by and Dr H's next patient arrived. He was shocked that so much time had passed. When the shakti is strong time floats like a raft on water. Your talking or meditating and whoosh an hour has past.

In the waiting room, I met Dr H's mom and his youngest sister. So fun. I loved his mom. We talked and laughed.

I went to Panera's for black bean soup. It's good without being great. Now and again I like this soup. And you know, I turned down bread. I didn't need it. While I ate, I started reading a book on how to write a successful children's story. I'm planning to realize my dream of writing a kids story this year and reading this book (which I've had for years) is part of my plan. An idea has come up for me--meditation and hatha yoga for kids--with a North Indian slant a la Ashley. The book could work with the course I'm giving to the kids in X's school.

I was tired at this point. I went to Pier One to pick up puja candles and then went home for a rest.

I talked to a lot of people today. More than usual--I told you-- more talking has appeared in my life. I know it's the shakti.

12/2/09 Dr K NMarket

This morning I did well with time. I think that staying within a time frame helps to keep stress down. If you know you're going to be late, you might feel tight in your shoulders and chest. It's better for the body to stay relaxed. Everyone knows that, but . . . everyone's questions are --how, how, how.

Luke's back hurts. So he hasn't been able to fill the bird feeders. I had extra time this morning and was able to . . . .put out food for the birds. It was my first time filling the feeders. I had felt that it was going to be too hard for me with my cane. I took it one step at a time: fill the bucket with bird seed and peanuts in their shells for the squirrels, then go outside. It wasn't too cold. That was good. I didn't care if I dropped seeds because some birds prefer to eat from the ground and also the squirrels. I found it easy to fill the feeders. Yes. I wasn't sure if I would be able to clean the top feeder , but I can always ask Linda for help. I am finding more things easier than I thought. Confidence and gentle risk taking are good for the cells.

I looked out the window to see if Earl and Sita had found the peanuts. Oooops. The blue jays were out like dive bombers. They got every nut and the sqirrels didn't even though I'd put out their street. They were strong and pretty. There were about eight.

It was rainy and grey which I find peaceful. I drove to Dr K's in that peace. Peace is healthy--for the mind and the body. Duh, you say. Peace is there in most situations. You have to find it and revel in it to get the magic going. You have that choice with your whole life.

Dr K adjusted my back and brought it back into alinment. I could walk without the cane. I'm thinking about that. Maybe I can replicate that feeling. I have to think about it.

I went home to rest before NM. A beautiful grey cat with soft color patterns in her fir keeps trying to eat the birds. She doesn't catch them. Suddenly I realize. She's hungry. She's traveling with a thin orange cat. Did someone move and leave them behind. The little grey wants to come in. That makes me think that she had a home. I can't let her because Luke is allergic. It wouldn't be fair. I'm tempted but . . . .I put out tuna. The thin orange cat is so hungry. He eats.

At NMarket we had a quiet evening. It's raining hard. At the end of the evening, I talked to a customer who made me laugh. She eats like I do or like I used to. And she called about safflower oil for dieting. I think she'll come in on Sunday to see some ideas that I have about losing weight.

I was going to go home early but a customer stopped me. She wanted to talk about dieting as well. I went home in the rain. Again. When you don't have long to drive, rain is soft and brings you into the self.

12/1/09 Lots

This was a busy, busy day. I'm so tired and I'm not going to write a lot.

Highlights: Salon 7000. It's a warm family atmosphere. I miss Jeff. He had surgery and is still not cleared to work. Maybe after January.

MKate was sick. Eunice was sick. I picked up the vitamins that Eunice needed from MKate's house. It felt good to be able to help.

The Hatha Class was small but powerful. I needed to feel that deep peace.